My Daughter Has a Voice and Uses It Proudly

I spoke with Mrs. D this am, whom let me know she would be moving on to a different school this Fall 2011. She was my daughter's "EA" or Educational Assistant for the first two years of her school career.

The blessings received from this woman for Kid have been so vast that I cannot list them all in one simple blog post. However, my heart was beating hard and deep as I drove away from our conversation that Mrs. D and I shared today. I was recalling the several tearful, frustrated exchanges I had with school administrators regarding my daughter's "limitations" rather than her strengths. And here we are, graduating "Grade 2".

I see Kid, a child sitting reading another "chapter book" like the Wimpy Kid series or her 12-volume Princess Anthology. Then I wonder what life would have been like without Mrs. D's help in the early classroom days. We struggled each night to get the homework done that began the first two weeks of Junior Kindergarten. Reading, Math, Spelling, it was all overwhelming to my then 4-year-old. But we stewarded on, trying different learning methods that Mrs. D constantly reviewed or reinvented to suit Kid's circumstances. This kind EA also reports that Kid speaks up with no inhibitions, speaking her mind in class. She encourages me to remind Kid not to lose this ability, this strength she possesses.

She is a wonderful soul, full of purpose and light. I'm speaking of Mrs. D but that same statement applies to kid with a capital "K". Kid has shown me and taught me what tenacity looks like in action. Never give up, my late Dad Frank would say, never give up.

Final Grade 2 report card looming, Kid's last test came back at 94% in her "fully alive" social studies programme. I am relieved not at the mark received but the beaming, proud, half-toothless grin of my daughter, the warrior princess I constantly aspire to be. Thanks for the teachable moments, Kid and Mrs D. I look forward to many more hereafter, happily so.

Graduation--Grand Beginnings Mixed with Endings

On a balmy June evening I and my classmates took the podium by storm with our heartfelt rememberances of the past three years together. Eight people, all from different backgrounds and experiences, gathered their hearts in a collective that I feel will not be broken. Whether geography or time separate us physically, I think and feel them in my soul every day. I celebrate them and myself as we move forward in deepening our heart-connected process through further education and experiences or practicing the craft of transpersonal psychotherapy, actively. All is good, all will be good and all will be goodly--a takeoff on my friend's quote and she knows whom she is, Spanish Traveller.

I encourage anyone interested in bringing experiential psychotherapy into their lives to contact my trainers at http://www.transpersonalcanada.com/ or their various credible associates. #emotional intelligence

Processing My Life Is Worth Me

There is an amazing process I've been working with and through that requires my self reflection and a really broad set of ego shoulders. It's called "admitting to myself that yes, I'm not perfect."
But at the same time, I am what I need to do. So that may indeed be my perfection, realizing that all that is (Suchness in Buddhism) is the way to live, be, breathe, exist.

But vain perfection is for fools like me. I see myself at times, dancing about as a Court Jester in a merry suit of fakeness. I can admit I still want happiness, joy and peace but when I try and perfect my ego-self, I don't gain what I need.

Solutions for change are right in front of me, laying at my feet. I just need to pick them up and use them. Since the1990s I've been a Reiki Master, a non-invasive healer with direct roots to Zen Buddhism. To round out my therepeutic interests, I discovered in 2000 that there's a wonderful group training http://www.transpersonalcanada.com/ with credible leaders. Flash forward to 2003, I'm into 2nd year of training and find that I'm pregnant with my now 7-year-old daughter. Off to mommyhood I went. Flash forward to 2008, when I resume training and conclude starting at "year one" again is best for me. Good decision, as the refresher I needed for the academic portions was very helpful and simply working with people over that period was rich and enlightening in and of itself.

Over these last three years, the trainers and participants have show me through their actions how to be authentic and supportive toward myself and others. Their training methods pull from global wisdom traditions. I have rediscovered the depths of my vitality, passion and natural life-force energy. Over these years of meeting each week and attending intensive workshops every few weekends helps me find kinship and more enhanced training methods from guest therapists.
At the end of each "school year", we gather at a residential retreat to meet, help and grow as Years 1-3. Five days and beautiful scenary are quite a potent personal-growth stage set.

For the pain and pleasure of realizing whom and what I am, I wouldn't trade one moment of these multi-year interactions and the relationships they've fostered. The smiles and tears of my friends mean so much to me. Their hearts are like glass filled with fiery hope. I look forward to graduating this June 2011, realizing how I will probably cry and feel so marvelously blessed for the ride we've had together. What a place to be.

Tupelo Honey

Husband calls me back this am and wanted to let me know that everyday he believes he made the right choice in me as his life partner. And that I am reaffirming that fact each day with him as whom and what I am, not just what I do. I heard him in my heart and as it stirred, I cried with joy. I love him so and to know that he loves me as well, is sweeter than “tupelo honey” like good ol’ Van Morrison drawls http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq3YLhtuzTQ&NR=1

Love you markel sparkle, stay dry and safe today and all the time you are away.

Counting on Each Other

I was at a retreat in June 2010 and one moment that I remembered today was performed by some participants regarding Winnie the Pooh and Piglet "role play". Piglet to Pooh--"Pooh?" then Pooh to Piglet "Yes Piglet?" Piglet back to Pooh "Nothing Pooh, I just wanted to be sure of you."

Doesn't sound very deep, but say it slowly in the context of whom you love. Husband, partner, child, mom, sibling. Consider the impact of being sure of someone you love, truly and authentically. This skit at retreat really got to me. And was a strong theme from the weekend I just spent in Smith Falls, Ontario.

After six hours each way, and mere hours spent hanging out with electrician husband in his hotel digs, most folks I know would think "what for?" I am sure of him, he is sure of me, and when he asked if I had plans this weekend and would I mind hanging out with him whilst he is on work location, I jumped at the chance. With a surprise intention for the shortest kid, I took off after all the practicalities of our household and mailbox were attended to this past Saturday morning.

Little did I know the vistas, sunshine and beauty of Thousand Island paradise I would see. The 12+ celsius temperature coupled with the singing of eye spy, with my little eye about 2,000 times had me in a space of flying rather than mere driving. Laughing, seeing, and wondering. Plus the fact I glanced over at an opportune moment to witness about 100 swans wintering in a concrete pond adjacent to the Eastern most part of Highway 15. Marvelous, magical fun.

We did share a brief few hours and many hugs and I miss yous. We discussed practical stuff but veered off into December activities and figuring out what Santa will bring to the gang. What a lovely bittersweet time. Shortest kid had a ball staying in a hotel room, which she reports is nicer than home because you get to watch TV all the time and someone cleans the room while you go eat breakfast. She fell asleep two hours past her bedtime with her feet hanging out of a Velux blanket as she snored deeply and noisily.

Sunday morning early, I got a chance to thank him again for supporting me as I become more and more direct and clear with people I love even though I am still gun shy from showing my anger to them in a constructive way. Deep down I think I would dismember them with my sarcasm but I know I can grab enough humour and a bucket of heart to mix up a response that is valid and jolts their attention. To be continued in another blog, that point.

Glad to be writing and watching the Tina Fey Mark Twain award show on PBS. Also looking forward to dreaming of my husband imagining him snuggled down beside me albeit six hours away. Dreaming, as I've said in a few other blogs, is truly free and freeing.

Facing Grief and Finding Growth

Since her Junior Kindergarten (JK) year, youngest kid was deemed exceptional and required a special student status for classroom educational assistance. She received many hours of extra help, attention, homework and social growth lessons. As of today, October 8, 2010, the school called me to say that she has worked through all of her special education issues in her educational support program and is officially deemed at a Grade 2 if not beyond level in some of her academic and social skills areas.

Picture swings to the mother on the other end of the phone listening to this message—mouth agape, eyes wide and clutching the phone with white knuckles. All the hours, days, weeks and months that turned to years of working with our youngest child is paying off. The many nights of ensuring that homework was completed, redone and triple checked, that her room is kept organized and easy to use ergonomically. That she went to bed at a very decent hour of 7:30 pm and just a tad later on weekends. It’s all paying off.

The background to all this is the death of her bio Dad in 2006. She started school in 2007 and has been struggling with behavioural and academic issues straight through. We have been to every conceivable type of medical appointment and observation and had many helpful hands at school to help us smooth out the harder times. She has seen herself through from baby to a work in progress, or at our house known as the “growing up young lady” status. I am beyond proud and moved by her ability to change, if not soar, to the heights I know she can reach.

To every parent who tries to help their child, keep at it. Today’s Thanksgiving Message and blessing is--we can receive the gift we hope for if we just keep trying. Peace folks.

What makes a happy relationship happy?

I have been going through some deep personal reflection lately. My awareness is shifting toward how reactive I am when confronted with a difference of opinion in my marital relationship, with my parents, friends or coworkers. My need to be “right” versus fair overshadows my innate kindness or patience. How sad.

The joke at my house or perhaps accurate description of what makes a life partner work best with another life partner, “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. Sexist yes, but husband derived this information from his Uncle Bumps at said gentleman’s 50^th Wedding Anniversary party. Must be some truth to it as Bumps does not lie. He’s had fifty years to practice truth, patience and compromise and from what I could see, his wife was still smiling.

OK, I lived with my parents for an enriching 26 years before I moved out to my official adult adventure—my first marriage and a new address. They have been married for 59 years and they won’t lie either—it wasn’t all happy. But they have an unspoken, deep bond by which their roles have evolved, their heat on arguments dampened by physical fragility or illness but not one day in all their darkest did I see them lose their sense of humour completely. Their need to laugh at their shortcomings has seen them through more than their share of loss and challenge.

Thanks to the longevity of a couple of couples I know, I have hope for my marriage of now 2 years, which I call truly happy. I love and respect a man who took a chance on a person who at times reactive, loves and respects him too. Unconditionally.