What makes a happy relationship happy?

I have been going through some deep personal reflection lately. My awareness is shifting toward how reactive I am when confronted with a difference of opinion in my marital relationship, with my parents, friends or coworkers. My need to be “right” versus fair overshadows my innate kindness or patience. How sad.

The joke at my house or perhaps accurate description of what makes a life partner work best with another life partner, “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. Sexist yes, but husband derived this information from his Uncle Bumps at said gentleman’s 50^th Wedding Anniversary party. Must be some truth to it as Bumps does not lie. He’s had fifty years to practice truth, patience and compromise and from what I could see, his wife was still smiling.

OK, I lived with my parents for an enriching 26 years before I moved out to my official adult adventure—my first marriage and a new address. They have been married for 59 years and they won’t lie either—it wasn’t all happy. But they have an unspoken, deep bond by which their roles have evolved, their heat on arguments dampened by physical fragility or illness but not one day in all their darkest did I see them lose their sense of humour completely. Their need to laugh at their shortcomings has seen them through more than their share of loss and challenge.

Thanks to the longevity of a couple of couples I know, I have hope for my marriage of now 2 years, which I call truly happy. I love and respect a man who took a chance on a person who at times reactive, loves and respects him too. Unconditionally.

Communication Kills Clarity, Sometimes

Sometimes, my husband asks me what I "mean" by something I said. I talk in a lot of different word pictures or metaphors when I try and describe how I think or feel about a subject. Yet, if his frame of reference, cultural background or general life experience differs than mine, my metaphoric approach is less than clear for his liking.

True, metaphors are like high scientific language or mathematical symbols--if you understand context and application, you're in on the joke or story. If you don't, you can feel left out of an elite club that understands the references, acronyms, puns or play-on-word jibes being tossed around.

I don't plan on changing my sense of humour and don't have a problem explaining my jokes or metaphors. Being an elitist in any sense of the word is not where I want to be or go. I'm going to try and use smaller, more precise words in my conversations and writing. In a word, simplify.