Processing My Life Is Worth Me

There is an amazing process I've been working with and through that requires my self reflection and a really broad set of ego shoulders. It's called "admitting to myself that yes, I'm not perfect."
But at the same time, I am what I need to do. So that may indeed be my perfection, realizing that all that is (Suchness in Buddhism) is the way to live, be, breathe, exist.

But vain perfection is for fools like me. I see myself at times, dancing about as a Court Jester in a merry suit of fakeness. I can admit I still want happiness, joy and peace but when I try and perfect my ego-self, I don't gain what I need.

Solutions for change are right in front of me, laying at my feet. I just need to pick them up and use them. Since the1990s I've been a Reiki Master, a non-invasive healer with direct roots to Zen Buddhism. To round out my therepeutic interests, I discovered in 2000 that there's a wonderful group training http://www.transpersonalcanada.com/ with credible leaders. Flash forward to 2003, I'm into 2nd year of training and find that I'm pregnant with my now 7-year-old daughter. Off to mommyhood I went. Flash forward to 2008, when I resume training and conclude starting at "year one" again is best for me. Good decision, as the refresher I needed for the academic portions was very helpful and simply working with people over that period was rich and enlightening in and of itself.

Over these last three years, the trainers and participants have show me through their actions how to be authentic and supportive toward myself and others. Their training methods pull from global wisdom traditions. I have rediscovered the depths of my vitality, passion and natural life-force energy. Over these years of meeting each week and attending intensive workshops every few weekends helps me find kinship and more enhanced training methods from guest therapists.
At the end of each "school year", we gather at a residential retreat to meet, help and grow as Years 1-3. Five days and beautiful scenary are quite a potent personal-growth stage set.

For the pain and pleasure of realizing whom and what I am, I wouldn't trade one moment of these multi-year interactions and the relationships they've fostered. The smiles and tears of my friends mean so much to me. Their hearts are like glass filled with fiery hope. I look forward to graduating this June 2011, realizing how I will probably cry and feel so marvelously blessed for the ride we've had together. What a place to be.